How To Deal With Baby Gender Disappointment… What If The Baby’s Sex Isn’t What You Had Hoped?

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Many women look forward to their second trimester with great excitement and anxiety. Not because it signals an end to the morning sickness and fatigue, but because it’s finally time to find out the baby’s gender.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a male or a female child. It’s very natural to have a preference for one or the other.

However, some women are disappointed when they initially learn the sex of their baby.


Here’s my experience with baby gender disappointment and how I dealt with it…


My Experience With Gender Disappointment

I prayed and hoped that I was having a boy this time around.

I already have 2 girls, and since this child was the last one, I felt a boy would fit in quite nicely. I was so convinced that I was having a boy that I refused to consider any girl baby names.

Once I learned that we were having a girl, I felt so disappointed. So many things went through my mind. I was upset, sad, and distraught.

I knew that I should be thankful that the baby was healthy, but I was so fixated on the fact that our baby was a girl that I initially ignored those facts.

Here’s what I did:

  • I gave myself a week to mourn the loss of the dream of having a boy. During that time, when people would ask me what we were having, I would say “a baby” and leave it at that.
  • After that week, I decided to be grateful that our baby was a girl. And I actually began to feel relieved, because I already knew what to expect as far as caring for her because I had done it before. Plus, I’m a female.
  • In the end, I knew that caring for another girl would come naturally for me. On the other hand, if we’d had a boy, I would have been a little out of my element.
  • Ultimately, no matter what my heart originally desired, I was comfortable with the fact that I still had a wonderful little person growing inside of me.


Baby Gender Disappointment Is Real

gender-disappointmentA lot of people say baby gender disappointment isn’t real — but it is.

Not all pregnant women experience it. However, those who do know that it’s not something that you plan for or expect to happen.

While feelings of gender disappointment may be more likely if you already have children and have your heart set on having a boy or a girl, any pregnant woman can experience sad and negative feelings about their baby’s gender.

If you are currently going through something like this, you shouldn’t feel guilty about your feelings.

Pregnancy is a time of great emotional instability for many women. Your hormones are all over the place, and things that normally don’t make you sad and cry can all of a sudden make you sad and cry.

Don’t let anyone tell you any different or put you down for your feelings. You and you alone know what you are going through.

Following are my suggestions to help you cope with gender disappointment.


Ways To Cope With Baby Gender Disappointment

Relax, it’s not the end of the world. Babies are one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever receive, no matter what gender they are.

Unless you’ve undergone artificial insemination or IVF, it’s impossible for you to choose your unborn baby’s sex.

If the gender test ultimately reveals the baby gender you weren’t expecting, here are my personal recommendations for ways to deal with it:

  • Try again in the future. Conception is like a game of cards, you don’t know what hand you’ll be dealt until you receive the cards.
  • Talk to someone about your feelings. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a close friend, your partner or a relative, see a counselor. Do not hold those feelings in or bottle them up.
  • Consider yourself fortunate. Many women are not able to conceive or nurture babies inside of their bodies. You are, so take it in stride and remain focused on having a happy and healthy pregnancy.
  • Look forward to your future with this baby. In a short time, your new baby will be here and you’ll completely forget about wanting them to be a particular sex. Once you finally get to see and hold your baby in your arms, you’ll see that they are perfect just the way they are.


Gender disappointment is just one of many feelings you may experience during your pregnancy. No matter how upset you may feel, concentrate on getting past that feeling. Don’t spend your entire pregnancy crying over a possibility — or you’ll miss out on the joys of being pregnant!

Must read: Fun Baby Gender Predictors: How To Tell If You’re Having A Boy Or A Girl